


rebound.

by Jeanne (gamerkitty6274)



Series: Strem's Torture Chamber [2]
Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Implied Drug Use, Implied alchoholism, Lust, Poor Dia, Unrequited Love, happy late birthday yohane sorry to make you suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 02:11:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11545281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gamerkitty6274/pseuds/Jeanne
Summary: It always went like this, Yoshiko thought. No matter how many times they exchanged dreamy "I love yous", she was nothing more than just a rebound, a substitute, something to hold on to in place of the real thing(She should be glad that no one was questioning the things she did, the way she looked or the way she loved, but sometimes it was just a cruel reminder that no one in this world really cared)





	rebound.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DimensionTripperHomura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimensionTripperHomura/gifts).



> why am i always writing angst
> 
> also all the sin is on this pseud i guess
> 
> For DimensionTripperHomura because I had thiss in the works for a while and your wonderful addiction series made me remember to finish this. Thank you for your awesome writing + HonoUmi!
> 
> Edit: SHIT I ACCIDENTALLY POOSTED THIS HALF FINISHED ITS DONE NOW THO

o. 

She had eyes the colour of lavender and hair like the sea, long silky, blue. She was breathtaking, inhumanly beautiful, yet so natural the first time she saw her she thought she must be a goddess. But she wasn't. Her name was Matsuura Kanan and she was everything she could never be.

 

i.

It was always like this, Yoshiko thought. No matter the circumstance, somehow her mind always managed to flit back to her and the events surrounding it, how she would and could never be good enough. How she could never be Kanan, never the person she could love. 

 

ii.

No one questioned it when she started growing out her hair- probably because they knew the answer she would give(something along the lines of "After all, Yohane is a fallen angel..."). No one noticed the fact her hair had been dyed to a more blue colour instead of green. No one remembered when Chika saw her buying a pair of purple colour contacts in Numazu. 

 

Even Ruby didn't remember that evening where they sat alone on the beach, their feet wet from splash fights and the water the colour of the sky, the colour of Kanan's eyes. "Yohane-chan." She had began, and Yoshiko fondly registered that Ruby was the only one to refer to her like that. "Why did you change?"

 

"Change what?"

 

"Your hair. It's longer, and more blue... like Kanan-chan's." Her gaze drifted to the ponytail Yoshiko had taken to wearing her hair in, and the corner of green fabric sticking up from her shirt pocket; a spare third-year tie she had picked up somewhere. "You're taller, and you don't wear your mini-bun anymore..."

 

"What, you don't like it?" Yoshiko said teasingly, trying to lighten the mood. 

 

"No! N-not like that." Ruby breathed out slowly, as if she were about to run and hide like in the few days they had first met. "It's just weird, that's all. Bye, Yohane-chan."

 

And Yoshiko sat there for a little longer, watching Ruby's small, redheaded figure disappear slowly into the distance, unquestioning of the fact that Yoshiko had missed the last bus to Numazu minutes prior. 

 

iii.

No one had questioned the fact that she was there when Dia and Mari had been talking, the start of it all. Yoshiko had planned it all out, prepared for weeks about what to say and do, how to do it, what they would do afterword. And so she stood outside the student council room waiting for Dia, listening with her hands above her ears as their voices slowly grew more and more agitated with each slam of the desk.

 

"You can't deny it, Mari-san, you just can't! It's been so long, and I would've thought..."

 

"Would've thought what, Dia? Do you think I don't know? Do you think I haven't tried? Do you think-" There was a pause, a great gap of silence in which Mari let out a sob- "Do you think I don't care?"

 

More silence, and Dia began. "Mari, the point is-"

 

"I don't care what the point is!" Mari's voice rose to a shout. "The fact is that nothing we do has worked, and I'm  _worried!_ Kanan is our friend, for goodness' sake, you can't ignore that-"

 

"She's not just a friend! She can make her own descisions, and she loves who she loves..." Dia trailed off. 

 

"What are you talking about?" Mari said bitterly. "If she's in love with alchohol and drugs, then-"

 

"I-I love her, Mari!"

 

Silence. And for the third time, there's a long pause, in which Yoshiko tries to inhale without choking on the lump in her throat. 

 

iv.

No one questioned the fact she had come to Dia's office after school months after the beginning; after all, wasn't Yohane just another troublemaker? She laughed at the thought, or at least her old self would've. Her old self wouldn't care, but she  _wasn't_ her old self; she was who she was now, and who she was now didn't laugh like that. The new Yoshiko laughed like Kanan did before she left (she was still here, but it felt like she had), she studied hard, she was stronger than she was and she could swim like Kanan had. Part of Yoshiko wondered why she had tried so hard, why she had changed so much for such a petty reason.  _Love,_ she thought. (love can turn you inside out, set your heart on fire until it turns to ash, lift you up in the clouds and sends you crashing down, down, down. You break before you hit the ground. Yoshiko had already broken.)

 

No one questioned the fact sobbing could be heard when Yoshiko pushed open the door, her hands trembling. Most likely it was some misbehaved, terrified student, but Yoshiko knew better. She closed the door gently behind her (a very kanan-like trait) and walked silently in, placing her hands on Dia's shoulders as she did so. She purposefully let her hair brush against Dia's cheek, waiting. 

 

"K-kanan?" She asked, her hint of astonishment in her voice. "Why... Why did you go? Why did you come back? Why couldn't you come back before?"

 

"Dia." Yoshiko said simply, letting her voice return to her normal tone. "Look at me." 

 

"Yoshiko-san..." Somehow, Dia was unquestioning of this (but wasn't everyone else?). "Please... go.. I need to speak with Kanan alone."

 

"Kanan's not here, Dia." And suddenly, the dreamy haze surrounding Dia and everything she had been doing for the past four months had cleared, and she looked at Yoshiko with wonder. Yoshiko smiled (it was more of a forced grimace, but Dia didn't notice). "Kanan's not hear, Dia-san, but I'm willing to be Kanan for you."

 

v.

 

Her first time in Dia's house, and she was doing this. Dia's room was fairly large, decorated with several Idol posters and merchandise around the room. The only thing that really stood out, however, was the faded photograph of the third-years when they were younger, Kanan's arms extended in a large hug, her cheek against Dia's scarlet one.

 

"Are you sure about this?" Dia asked worriedly, with a look at Yoshiko as she undid her hair. "I might do some... pretty drastic things..."

 

"Don't worry about it!" Yoshiko said, smiling. She sounded so much like Kanan she was almost afraid of herself. Shaking it off, she went back to sitting on Dia's bed. "We can start now, if you want." Dia nodded. The lights flickered, until the only light came from the small lamps Dia had placed in the corners of the room. In the dim light, she and Kanan would be indistinguishable. 

 

"Kanan..." Dia murmured, running her hands through Yoshiko's hair. "I love you, Kanan..."

 

"I love you too, Dia..." Yoshiko whispered, only unlike Dia, hers wasn't to someone who wasn't here. 

 

vi.

 

It had happened a few times after their first. Yoshiko knew Dia well enough by then to know that Dia loved Kanan's hair. But today, she seemed insistent on getting Yoshiko to leave it up. 

 

"Why?" She askedalmost teasingly, sliding a finger slowly into Dia's passage, eliciting a moan from the older girl. "I thought you loved my hair, Dia..."

 

"I do, Kanan... It's just that-" She gave a breathless gasp as Yoshiko added another, moving faster, sliding them as deep as they could go. She drew them out, licking them to taste Dia's juices before putting them back in again, this time with a third. "You only left your hair down...after you started..." Yoshiko moved her other hand up to massage Dia's breasts. "I hated it...Everything was so messed up, Kanan... I thought you..." Dia's voice was laced with moans and whimpers, and Yoshiko wasn't sure if it was from pleasure or plain sadness. Maybe both.

 

"I thought you would always be there, Kanan. You were always so calm... You never left... You held us together, Kanan, so why did you leave?" Yoshiko drew her fingers out of Dia, knowing she could never give her an answer, but Dia motioned for her to continue. "Please... Don't leave-"

 

Her pleading was broken as she came, her breath hot in Yoshiko's ear, rambling inaudibly about Kanan's hair and Kanan's eyes and how  _hot_ she was, how much she _needed_ her- Before she stopped, panting. 

 

"Promise you won't tell anyone what I said or did, Kanan?" She looked into Yoshiko's now purple eyes (It hurt, how much Dia wanted to believe she was Kanan, how much she loved kanan and how she could never love Yoshiko in that way).

 

"I promise." Yoshiko nodded as she said so, leaving Dia's room silently, when Dia suddenly spoke.

 

"Hey, Kanan... Do you want to go out on a date?""

 

vii.

 

Yoshiko didn't know why she agreed to do this with Dia, but it happened. So here they were, out at a seaside theme park. Yoshiko had done her best to learn Kanan's tastes (She liked melon, her favourite ice cream flavour was matcha, she liked to snack on wakame-), and surprisingly, matcha wasn't half bad. 

 

"You've always ordered that." Dia said fondly, eating her own matcha flavoured ice cream. "Although you liked melon for shaved ice."

 

"Who wouldn't?" Yoshiko said breezily, but Dia didn't seem to be listening. Instead, her gaze was fixated on a tall girl who was running a fishing booth. Her eyes were the colour of indigo and her hair was like the sea, long, silky, blue (although quite messy). Even though she looked worn and tired she was breathtaking, inhumanly beautiful, yet so natural and even though Yoshiko had seen her many times she still thought she must be a goddess. But she wasn't. Her name was Matsuura Kanan and she was everything Yoshiko couldn't be. 

 

And slowly, Yoshiko undid her hair and took out her contacts, letting them fall into the sea. 

 

viii.

 

They were still talking, an hour later, though they weren't at the booth anymore. Instead, they sat in a cafe, the two third-years laughing and talking, no air of nervousness between them. Yoshiko simply sighed and looked out of the window, staring at passerbys.

 

How much easier it would be to simply hate Kanan. Yoshiko could easily make her life a misery, but she didn't, because Kanan was so goddamn likable and kind and understanding and- fuck, she felt herself giving into her already. Besides, Dia... She clenched her jaw shut, determined not to behave rashly. After all, how would Dia know how she felt. She should be happy for her; what kind of a lover wasn't. A selfish one; Yoshiko was selfish and she knew it. Why else would she volunteer to be Kanan for Dia? She didn't care about Dia's feelings, she just wanted her all to herself. A nauseating feeling rose in her stomach and she slammed her piece of chocolate cake on the table, letting the spoon clatter to the ground as she ran out, ignoring the worried looks from Kanan and Dia. She would deal with that later.

 

ix.

 

A week passed. Yoshiko couldn't believe how quickly everything had been resolved; surely there would be at least _some_ sort of problem surrounding this? Even Mari was completely accepting, and slowly, it was like things were back to normal again. Yoshiko had donated the tie to Aqours as costume making material, and her hair was like it used to be. She let her voice slip back and, once Kanan returned to Idol activities again she began letting her Yohane persona slip back into use. But this time, instead of a welcoming feeling, leaving her incompetent Yoshiko self behind, she felt the sinking feeling from a week before. That she was a coward. She didn't deserve to be so lucky, no matter how much she complained about her "bad luck" (she didn't do it anymore). And of course, there was Dia.

 

Yoshiko distanced herself from Dia as much as possible. She did all her homework perfectly, she never got into trouble, she worked hard at her choreography to avoid having to do extra rehearsals; she even distanced a bit from Ruby, declining every time she invited her over, inviting Ruby and Hanamaru to her house instead. Ruby didn't question it, and for once she was glad. 

 

But even though she thought she was ready, she was still shocked by the impact when the bomb truly dropped.

 

"We're dating." Kanan announced, wrapping her arm around Dia as she did so, both of them smiling so bright it hurt for Yoshiko to look at them (it hurt to look anyhow). She decided to play along, she smiled and nodded and clapped along with the rest of the group, hoping that one day she would be able to move on. Because after all, no matter how many times they exchanged dreamy "I love you"s, she was nothing more than just a rebound, a substitute, something to hold on to in place of the real thing. 


End file.
